12 June 2014

Parenting Problems #2: issues with my daughter's health

OK, so I know that in this post just a matter of hours ago, I said that there would probably be more 'Parenting Problems' posts in the future - but I wasn't expecting to need to write one quite so soon!

If you've read that last post, you'll know my daughter E needed medical attention for a probable UTI, and working out how to get her there felt like a huge issue for me, but with the help of some wonderful people we got it sorted. All good.

And then. I received a letter today telling me E's next immunisations are due. Aarrgghh!!! I know I can find someone to take her for me as I did today, but this feels very different.

Today I hated not being able to take E to the doctors or be there with her myself, but she was fine and isn't actually feeling poorly in herself so to her it was all just a fun adventure; she didn't need her mummy there for comfort. Immunisations are a whole other kettle of fish. She will be in pain and shocked and cross, and I won't be there to kiss it better or stroke her hair. I can't let her go through this without me to comfort her. And I can't physically go, either. I can't even get downstairs at the moment.

I know my husband could take her (and she'd be quite happy with Daddy), or one of the many wonderful friends who help us regularly. But none of them are me. None of them can comfort her quite like I can. And I know that her pain will pass very quickly and she'll be fine, but, being selfish, I know that I will be lying in bed worrying and feeling devastated that I can't be with her, and I know the stress of that could take a huge toll on my health.

I honestly don't know what to do. I burst into tears when I read the letter, and it still brings me to tears now.

UPDATE: I phoned the doctor's surgery and had a chat with the nurse. I asked if it was possible for the immunisations to be done at home. She checked with the health visitor team, and none of them had up to date immunisation training, so it wasn't possible; however I thought I would put the idea here in case anyone else is in a similar situation as it's worth asking, and someone in a different area may have more success. And even though I knew it was a long shot, it helped me to accept the situation as I'd done everything I could think of.

She hasn't yet had her immunisations, as the doctor said it can wait a few months until I have a stairlift and a bigger care package in place which MIGHT enable me to go. It still may not be possible but hopefully it might be :-)


I'd love to hear what you think! Do leave a comment if you have anything you'd like to say about this topic. If you have any difficulty with this process, please see the Site Help page. Please bear with me if it takes a while for me to respond; I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on my blog, but I'm not always well enough to reply. Thank you :-)


Linda said...

I feel for you, I really do. I had the same with my boys. Had to hire people to take my first out in the pram (he only slept when he was moving!), husband did and still does all the boys' appointments, I never go to any school plays etc. Very difficult. But I tried to just remember what it was like before I had kids and how lucky I was to have any at all. You've just got to focus on the fact that these 'outings' are not actually the most special times. Your daughter won't remember those. What she'll remember is the little times she has with you, lying beside you in bed, playing peekaboo, all the things you have the time and inclination and ability to do now you're ill, which so many parents don't do. I know this, because my youngest tells me that theses are his happiest memories.

Rachel said...

Thank you for your comment Linda (yay, it worked!!) :-) And I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reply.

School plays - yes, I missed her first pre-school nativity play last year :-( Fortunately my husband was allowed to video it for me as long as we didn't post it on social media, so I at least got to see it, and E and I had a lovely time watching it together. And a close friend of ours went to the play as well my husband, so E was probably more excited about the friend being there than she would've been if I'd gone!

I am really fortunate that E's pre-school have been amazingly supportive to us. A few months ago I had to miss her parents evening, which wasn't a big deal in the sense that my husband went to it and reported back to me, and I knew there weren't any major issues as they keep me updated about everything and regularly send her folder home so I can see how she's doing and what she's been up to. And I know E isn't bothered about whether or not I go to parents evening - but still, I feel like I'm letting her down. And I'm definitely missing out! But the over-riding emotion is that I'm letting her down. There was another parents evening recently, and when E's keyworker let me know about it, I made an off the cuff comment about hating to miss it, and she out of the blue offered to come to our house to do our appointment here so I could be part of it! Her kindness moved me to tears. They've really been wonderful. I know that when E goes to proper school things will have to be different, but I hope we can at least have close communication with them.

I have a post in the pipeline about parenting strategies for ill parents, and I will include in there a couple of games we've devised that allow E and my husband to run around the house finding things to bring back to me, while I stay in bed calling the shots and giving them the challenges and refereeing etc :-) And E and I have lovely snuggle times in bed, although I'm finding that more and more difficult to cope with. I agree, there's a lot I can do now with E and special routines and activities we have in place that I may not even have thought of if I was well and busy with work etc; those are definitely times to cherish.