30th November 2016

I don't know who to be today. I don't know *how* to be. 

I am a daughter-in-law. It's my lovely Father-in-law's funeral today, and I can't be there to say goodbye to this man who means so much to me. 

I am a wife and mum. My husband and daughter are grieving today, and I can't be there to support them. Can't be there to hold their hands, put my arms around them, let their tears soak into my shoulder. 

There are no adequate words. 

Bonfire Night

Breath clouding in front of me in the biting air, nose numb with cold, body wrapped up warm and cosy. It was the first time each year that I let myself wear hat, scarf or gloves; no matter how cold it got before November 5th, I saved up that delicious warm toasty feeling for that special night.  

Bonfire flames dancing, glowing against the darkness, warmth radiating.